How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
