I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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