I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
