I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
