so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
