Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
