Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
