im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
