Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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