Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
