This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
