Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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