I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
