I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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