Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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