i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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