I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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