Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you made out with another girl for some wings
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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