and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
