Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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