Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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