It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
