i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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