2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
