i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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