It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
