so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A bitchslap is in order.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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