that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this just has baby written all over it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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