My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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