If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
