Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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