Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
