I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
