i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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