My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
