Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
