you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
