Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
