i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Alive.
So much puke
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
