Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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