Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
