I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
