I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
