it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm like, not good at living.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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