Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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