SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
