Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
