Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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