Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
