my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
