I could have mohawked her pubes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
