I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
