I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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