Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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