I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
